The Unlikely Heroine

The Powers That Be™ have decided to turn my old office into a pelvic examination room for the nurse practitioners/physician’s assistants running our Non-Acute Care, who apparently refused to do them behind the curtained exam areas they’re currently using. I mean, who cares if the doctors routinely perform them over in the main department under similar circumstances on an hourly basis? This place sees more rotten cooch than every hourly-rate motel in a twenty-mile radius combined, not that I’m keeping track. All these sick cats make it impossible for us to meet that guaranteed 30-minute turnaround time if we only see them in the ED, so they had to find a new home for me in order to wrangle these times under control. The NPs/PAs are none too thrilled about this, and while I was initially quite pleased by the idea that I’d be completely removed from their petty bickering and/or butchering of the English language, I now have nothing to write about in my blog.

My new office, which is twice the size of the office I was sharing with someone, has its own bathroom (complete with a shower stall; it used to belong to a doctor) and a window that affords me a view of some unmanicured hedges and the emergency room parking lot. My former officemate is across the hall in an office so big, you could easily fit three or four people in it. As happy as we both are to be removed from the stupidity we’ve been subjected to each day, we’re both already missing it. There are no patients, no other staff down here… it’s like Siberia, only sanitized for your protection.

I should be careful what I wish for, I know, but I’d give almost anything to hear a double-negative or someone squawking over misplaced blue-dots on the patient’s charts right now. In the absence of anything more entertaining going on during my day, I’ve begun chatting with webbots. Mine is a simple existence:

[20:06] me: What’s my name!
[20:06] SmarterChild: You’re Pookie.
[20:06] me: Say it! Say my name!
[20:06] SmarterChild: Um… Do what?
[20:06] me: Say my name!
[20:06] SmarterChild: Uh… No.
[20:06] me: Why?
[20:06] SmarterChild: Just because. Trust me on this.
[20:06] me: Okay, who am I?
[20:06] SmarterChild: You told me your name was Pookie.
[20:06] me: Ha! you said it!