The Unlikely Heroine

As originally planned, I’m not going to be using this blog for much that’s related to my personal life. For that, you’ll have to hit up my MySpace page. That said, there is one such occasion on which I feel it’s necessary to use this forum in such a manner, and that is to (hopefully) attract the attention of my ex-boyfriend, Andreas Schwarze. In fact, the number of times I use the name Andreas Schwarze will probably increase the odds that this post will appear higher up in a Google search. Granted, it would only appear in a Google search if someone happens to be looking for Andreas Schwarze, which I most definitely have been (only to find this guy or this guy, neither of whom is the Andreas Schwarze I seek). If this method brought sixteen people to my page today alone using the search term “funny chicken,” a phrase that didn’t even appear in this blog before I typed it just now, I’m feeling fairly optimistic about my chances of finding Andreas Schwarze, or at least someone who knows Andreas Schwarze.

My (former) Andreas Schwarze lived in the vicinity of Halle (Saale), Germany, just turned 31 last Thursday, and with my luck, is probably married. And good for him, if he is. I mean… seriously, Andreas Schwarze was a really, really good guy. Of all the Andreas Schwarzes in the world, I would be willing to bet the Andreas Schwarze I had the great fortune to encounter was the best. When we were thousands of miles apart, he’d give me wake-up calls in the morning and goodnight calls before bed. When I was with him in Germany and found myself too embarrassed about my German to speak to his friends, he supplied me with enough alcohol to drop my linguistic inhibitions. What a guy, that Andreas Schwarze!

Seriously, though, there’s a reason I’m looking for him. I owe him a massive apology for something that took place nearly five years ago, and we have not spoken in more than four. I’ve tried writing to the last address I had on file for him, to no avail. It could be that he’s merely chosen to ignore me, and that’s understandable. I deserve it. But, in the event that Andreas Schwarze or any of his friends - Sabine, Steffen, Nicole, Marco, Thomas, Doreen, or Mandy - see this, I just wanted to say that I was wrong about many, many things, and I’m sorry. There’s lots more to say, obviously, but I just wanted to put that much of it out there for the world to see, up to and including Andreas Schwarze. We now return you to your regularly scheduled drivel.

Edit, 6:14 p.m.: I checked Google just now to see how high my website ranked among searches for Andreas Schwarze (appended by “-stefan,” just to eliminate all the model-guy’s results). I’m currently at number one.  

*Auf Wunsch ist die deutsche Übersetzung verfügbar.